OMG it’s Monday with Jade Lee week #7

The PLAN vs. What really happened Some of you may know that this is my year to stay away from conferences. I average a conference a month, though in heavy years, it’s been way more. I’m an extrovert, and I love getting out there and talking to people, but this year I had a radical plan. To stay home and write. Write a lot! Write a ton and maybe clean house too. Here’s what really happened. Exactly what I planned. I’ve written and my house now looks like a photo shoot for Midwestern Home on a Middling Income. My house is a disaster. Now that I’m home, I’ve got craft projects, empty Sunchip bags, and dirty socks everywhere. Oh, and I wrote some stuff too, but no more than usual. Write! Write! Write! I’ve written the equivalent of War and Peace over a weekend. It’s amazing! And by the way, …

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OMG It’s Monday! Week #6

What I saw in Costa Rica There was amazing scenery and great fun in Costa Rica, and I saw some great creatures I’d never encountered before. Guess which one I did NOT see. Howler monkeys Beautiful moth my son-in-law got drunk (see previous post) Grasshoppers larger than my hand Sea cucumber Costa Rica’s version of a raccoon Mosquitoes or whatever the hell was eating me alive Answer: 6. I got bitten by insects despite all the bug spray. And yes, I was supposed to put it on AFTER going swimming too but I forgot and paid for my stupidity. My legs are a spotted mess right now. But I never actually SAW the culprits consuming my blood. We’re guessing mosquitoes but it could be any number of different insects. Costa Rica has a ton of them! We did see all of the other creatures. The howler monkeys were a colony of …

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OMG It’s Monday! Week #5

The Things my Son-in-Law Shot While on vacation, my new son-in-law used a nifty telephoto lens and a wine-soaked napkin to take a picture of something he thought was cool. Guess what? My daughter as she sun-bathed. The wine was to get her sleepy enough to close her eyes and recline. A raccoon. He tempted it with wine, then shot pictures as it approached. A howler monkey. Turns out howler monkeys love wine! A moth. He caught it under a glass, then slid in the wine-soaked napkin to get it drunk enough to stay still. After a while, it was still enough to be drunk or dead, then he lifted the glass and started taking pictures. Answer: 4. Yup. Though he’s getting his Ph. D. in chemistry, he thought long and hard about being an entomologist. So all things bug fascinate him. Here are two of the cool pictures he …

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OMG It’s Monday! Week #4

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I GOT HOME Happy New Year Everyone! I’ve just returned from a fabulous family reunion in Costa Rica! Guess what I discovered on my return home! That my husband (who had returned early) had cleaned the house and done all the grocery shopping. That all the mail-order Christmas presents had finally arrived. That it hadn’t miraculously gotten warmer in Central Illinois. That I was covered in insect bites and was pleased to come back to a frozen climate without those damned bugs! Answer: 2! Yes, I had mail-ordered a ton of Christmas presents, but too late. I’d managed to grab secondary presents before we left so Christmas was still celebrated in style. But now what do I do with a plush Anna doll for my niece? Or the hand crafted special yarn bowl for my sister? As for the rest  My husband managed to get himself …

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Do I regret it?

I gave up coffee this week. Do I regret it? Happy Monday Jade Lee / Kathy Lyons fans! Many times during my life, I have determined that my health and happiness would be improved by going caffeine-free. I’m trying it again, so this morning’s quiz is guess what I drink instead of my morning latte to wake up. Can you guess: Chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. Waitsomeone once told me that there might be caffeine in chocolate. Couldn’t be! Green smoothie. I put a bunch of leafy greens and whatever fruit I have into a blender. Spin and voilabreakfast! (Also called Kathy’s Morning Pond Scum) Wake up? Who wakes up in the morning? I’ll have you know I get up at the crack of noon. Chicken bouillon cube dissolved in a mug of hot water. Tastes like broth, is hot, and only has 5 calories! None of the above. …

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My Daughter's Pets

So last week, I told you about my daughter’s trauma with the mouse in the house. (It was successfully killed by her cat with no harmful after effects.) This week you get to guess what her favorite childhood pet was. A pet mouse that was famous for escaping out of his cage and running over to visit her in the middle of the night. A pet cat that she wore as a stole over her shoulders whenever she went to bed. Chilean rose tarantula. She would let it climb all over her while she watched tv. No pets. Are you kidding? We have allergies in this house! AND THE ANSWER IS Answer: 1. Yes, the child who was so traumatized last week by a mouse in the house did indeed have a pet mouse that she adored. We later tried our hands at fish, cats, and for a very short …

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OMG, It’s Monday! Week#1

Hello Jade Lee / Kathy Lyons fans! Got a quick funny for you this morning. My daughter called me this morning VERY UPSET. (She sometimes talks in capitol letters). Guess why. Law school exams have made her insane. It’s cold in Michigan, and after 7 years in the south, she just can’t handle it. It’s cold in Michigan and after 7 years in the south, her CAR can’t handle it. Her cat had caught a mouse and wasn’t giving it up. He was under her bed and growling whenever she came near. She needs money. Answer: 4. Although she’s called for every single one of those reasons as one point or anotherespecially the needing money partbut this morning was a mouse! OMG a MOUSE! Somehow, the child has lived rodent free for most of her life. Probably because in the south, mice don’t need to come inside to get warm. …

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